Cultivating Compassionate Awareness - The Pause, Part 6

The elusive pause. It is so difficult to step out of the habit of thought and pause to be with what is actually present in the moment. Even for a long time practitioner of Mindfulness, this practice is imperative to continue cultivating. Our thinking mind does not typically want to be in the present moment especially when there is difficulty. We can easily spend our lives living in the realm of thought instead of in the present moment. We are likely not even aware of the amount of added suffering this causes us.

While reading this, your mind might tell you that you have such a busy mind that there is no way to pause. It will try and tell you that this is not possible for you, because you are different. It might say that your mind is much more active than other peoples' minds. Like most of our thoughts, this is untrue, but very convincing. I have experienced that transformation directly through mindfulness and compassion practice. If we continue to let our thoughts lead us around, then that is the habit we are practicing. Please understand that there is zero shame in this habit. It is one we ALL have. It is how our minds are wired from a young age unless we were lucky enough to be taught about mindfulness. And so it is what nearly all of us practice. But there is another way to be. There is a place where we can get off the roller coaster of thought and emotion. That is the practice of being compassionately in the present moment.

When you first begin to pause, you might just take 4-5 mindful breaths and that's it. You do not have to breath in any particular way. See if you can notice all the sensations or lack of sensation about the breath. Be with the breath exactly how it is in that moment. That's all you need to do.

After you feel comfortable with this part of the process, you might add a couple extra breaths and begin to look inward to what emotions are present. When there is any emotion, but especially if it is a difficult emotion and see if it is possible to hold it with compassion. Even for just a moment. Take note if there a place in the body where you feel this emotion. You can even picture yourself holding this part of you like a sick child, animal or loved one who needs comfort. We are not giving this part of us compassion in order to take away the emotion, but to give it love because it is suffering. The emotion could even be happiness and joy! This practice begins to turn the mind toward ourselves and our present experience in a more kind way, regardless of what emotion is present.

We just need to take the first step of beginning the practice however many times a day seems reasonable for you. Remember that Mindfulness is about finding the middle way. We need to put in effort, but this is not about striving for perfection. That is the opposite of Mindfulness. Ask yourself, how many times a day of pausing seems doable. Maybe it is 3-4 times a day. Maybe there are a lot of overwhelming situations happening right now and 1-2 is all that seems manageable. Each pause will only take a few seconds.

People begin this practice of remembering the present moment in different ways. Some people put post-it notes all over their home. Some might put a reminder on their phone to pop up or maybe as appointments in their calendar. Habit stacking can also be a powerful way to begin to engage. This concept is putting the habit of pausing in the present moment tied to another habit you do every day. This might be washing the dishes, brushing your teeth, cooking, eating. It can be ANYTHING you consistently do every day and ties pausing with that already established habit. Maybe some other way is best for you. This is an experiment where you are the scientist, the subject and the result. See what works for you!

There are ways you can go deeper into this practice, but for this posting, I am going to leave it at that. There are a couple of reminders and cautions I like to remind people of as they begin to connect with the present moment. If you are overwhelmed, this is not the time to challenge yourself with this type of practice. When we are overwhelmed we must bring ourselves to safety before we can even think about challenging ourselves with a new practice like this. I invite you to find things that bring you to safety when you are activated. For some, it might be taking a walk in nature, having a cup of tea, talking to a dear friend, watching a funny TV show and there are many more possibilities. When you feel more capacity is when I would encourage you to try these practices. The most important thing is to take care of yourself. This is what Mindful Self-Compassion is all about.

Lastly, but so important: remember patience. Most of us have spent years and years living life out of the moment. It can take a while to cultivate more awareness. I invite you to reach out to me if you have questions and join a practice group, whether it is mine or someone else's. Support of community is imperative for our mental health.

In compassion,

Laurie