Mindful Self Compassion--A personal Story, By Laurie Hallihan

I remember the day when one of my teachers, who is also a PhD Psychologist, told me I desperately needed to do a Body Scan meditation every day. I was in an incredible amount of body pain from the fibromyalgia and hip dysplasia. The thought of engaging with that pain felt overwhelming. I hated my body almost as much as I hated myself at that time. But I also knew that turning away and self medicating from the mind and body pain was making things much worse. Unhealthy habits may give temporary relief but they typically cause even more issues in our lives.

And so I began this somatic practice. The first body scan I did was extremely difficult, but it also brought surprising ease. What was happening??!! I could not fathom how this practice of turning towards the pain was possibly working to lesson my suffering. But it was happening. The part of me that liked the unhealthy ways of being did not like this turn. Resist...resist it cried!

Though I knew the practice was bringing some relief, I also felt deep aversion to it. It was difficult to get going each day. Sometimes, I was not able to get through a practice completely. But I kept at it. Deep in my bones I knew this was the way. There was no other healthy alternative I had found for the pain.

We must practice every day. Just like anything you want to get good at, we must repeat it over and over. This is no different with Mindfulness and Compassion. Most of us have spent our lives practicing patterns that don't ultimately serve us. We must break these patterns in order to enact true change.  

Over time, the Body Scan became one of my favorite practices. I found my body gave me so much information. I now honor what my body tells me instead of denying it or pushing it away. I now know when I need to take a break and give myself compassion. I now have gratitude for what this body CAN do. I now love and embrace this body.

More to come next month when Mindful Self-Compassion - A Personal Story continues!

Yours in compassion,

Laurie