Self Compassion for Shame- Retreat Reflection Part 1

I went into the Self Compassion for Shame retreat with the thought that I wanted to teach this course, but believed that I personally do not have much shame. I have come to find out that this was completely wrong. Shame is everywhere. Just like all emotions, it can be low on the activation scale or higher on that scale. Either way, shame affects us all in significant ways that possibly we don't want to face, admit or even realize is there.

As many of you know, I am a longtime Mindfulness and Compassion practitioner and teacher. When I realized on day one on the retreat that I held the notion that I did not have shame, I thought, "how did I miss this?" After all the meditation, retreats, teaching and I was in a world of illusion around this topic. Now my eyes are open, ready and willing to face this previously untapped part of myself.

I am writing this blog for everyone. For those who know they have shame, those that are not sure and those that think they don't have it. Just like all emotions, an important thing to realize is that you are not alone. In the course, we learned that the research shows that, with the exception of people with clinical psychopathic diagnoses, everyone has shame. Everyone. So we are all in good company with each other.

Just like Mindful Self Compassion, we have to know that we have shame. This is the element of Mindfulness and it is imperative. We might be missing a giant component of what is causing our suffering. Once we see it clearly and know the high level of common humanity within the emotion of shame, we can then move into the antidote for shame: Self Compassion.

It is extremely important to touch shame and all difficult emotions lightly. As the wise Buddhist teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh said when asked how deeply and often to touch difficult emotions, he answered, "not much." We need to approach our shame with a gentle kindness. We need to know when we are moving into an overwhelmed state and the wisdom to move out of a practice. We cannot learn when we are in an overwhelmed state of being. We must move ourselves to safety and then later challenge ourselves with turning towards difficult emotions. These practices are never about perfection or pushing ourselves. This is true of shame and all compassion and mindfulness practices. When we honor where we are at, we will grow and learn in a safe and companionable way.

I will be writing more on the topic of shame and self compassion practices in my ongoing reflections. There is much to process, practice and learn!

In compassion and gratitude to you all,

Laurie